Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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