Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
