Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
