do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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