question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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