He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
