I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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