Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i think my cat just said my name.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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