Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Is it because I queefed?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The struggles of a small town man whore
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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