I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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