Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
