So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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