What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
