he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
