So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
