Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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