I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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