at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
