His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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