i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
