What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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