Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
