And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
