seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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