His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
