Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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