saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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