I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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