Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
