the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
