I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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