marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
