youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
