Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
