Just fell off a train. Bad.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm at about main and main street
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
