I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Randomize
