so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
