You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
