I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
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I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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