Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
