Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
