Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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