i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
