Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
