All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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