you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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