you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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