he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
