Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
