worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
