Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
