New invention idea: vibrating tampons
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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