Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
