i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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