Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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