so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
