guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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