i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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