2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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