God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
