Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
