Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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