Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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