Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
