she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
