I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
