I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
