He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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