something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
