Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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