I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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