you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
