Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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