with your own penis?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
