well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
