You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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