You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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