Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
