But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
