I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
